Find Your Purpose To Avoid Hopelessness

Have there been times in your life when your hope has been taken away from you? You felt a hole that would refuse to be filled in your soul. You were suffering from a different kind of pain that was still all too real. One that was in your head and made you confused and anxious. If you felt this way before, I think it’s because you were living without a purpose. I believe that the purpose of life is the progressive realization of an ideal self. If you aren’t pursuing this with exciting energy and effort it will lead to self-contradiction making you feel hopeless and useless pain. Why is that? If you don’t have an ideal self to pursue, then what is your purpose? What is your purpose? Take a few minutes to look inward and listen for an answer back. . .

Life without purpose

Living a life without purpose is akin to being possessed by nihilism. That’s exactly what almost happened to me from the age of 18-22. I gained 220lbs in 2 years, dropped out of college, worked 9-5 at a grocery store, and played video games or slept when I wasn’t powerlifting. I felt like I was drifting through life while it tugged me into the dark corners of my mental prison. There were plenty of times when I wanted to kill myself because I believed I had no purpose in life. . . but every time I was faced with deciding on my mortality, an image of my mom would pop in my head. You see, that was my purpose. . . my ideal self. No matter how dark things got, I always knew deep down (unconsciously) that I wanted to become a better son for my mom. I wanted to become everything she dreamed of for me. So why was I so depressed and feeling hopeless? It was because I was not progressively realizing my ideal self, becoming a better son for my mom.

Once I found my purpose I decided to change my life forever. I lost over 125 lbs in 2.5 months and went from my heaviest (400lbs) to the lightest I had been in 5 years (220 lbs), losing a total of 175 lbs. I quit my job, started my own web design business, started building more relationships with new people, and lived life to the fullest. Even on the days that I seem to become diseased with negative thoughts, I quickly turn them around because I knew my purpose and what I needed to do to pursue it. You can create or find your antidote to hopelessness and suffering too. Get a pen and paper to answer the following questions and you’ll change from someone who negativity controls into someone who controls their negative feelings and can convert them into positive thoughts that drives you closer to your purpose.

  1. Who do you want to become?
  2. What are the habits of that type of person?
  3. What are the values and beliefs of that person?

Who do you want to become?

Not knowing what you want to become in life will lead to bad decisions and confusion in your life. Personally, as you read in the second paragraph, it lead me to gain 220lbs and bring myself to the verge of suicide. . . But if you know exactly who you want to become, you’ll go through life knowing unconsciously and learning through experience what decisions will bring you closer to who you want to become. Having this knowledge alone will unconsciously lead you to make the right decisions and say no to things that will bring you further from your ideal self. Finding out or realizing who you want to become can be something you know intuitively or something you’ll have to try to figure out, but when you do find who you believe you want to become, you’ll realize that you cannot lie to yourself when you answer this question. If you do, your soul will immediately and constantly fight back and you won’t wholeheartedly pursue the right thing. If you find who you want to become, you will know it instantly and won’t question the legitimacy of your answer. So, how do you answer this question? Ask yourself. Seriously, take some time alone and ask yourself who you want to become. Write out your thoughts and dig for the answer. You might immediately know who you want to become or you might have to continually ask and revise your answer for hours or a few days. Personally, through experience, it took me 5 years a lot of pain to realize that answer on my own. Now that you know this is the secret, you can do it in a fraction of the time without the pain and suffering. But again, once you know, you’ll know for sure. Also, there are NO WRONG ANSWERS. Each person will have their own individualized belief of who they want to become. For me, it’s to become a better son for my mom. For a business owner, it may be to become a better leader for his company. For a maid, it may be to become the best maid she can become. The point is you are the only one that will know if your answer is right or wrong, no one else. Search for who you want to become and you will find your purpose.

What are the habits of that person?

As I said earlier if you know who you want to become, you’ll unconsciously start making the right choices to become that person. The problem is that you’ll still have to experience the wrong choices to know that they are the wrong choices. So, let’s expedite that process and skip the pain and suffering that comes with making the wrong choices in your life. Ask yourself, what are the habits of that person you want to become? What would they do day in and day out? I was thinking about making criteria to help you with their habits but there are too many variables for that. Example: I want to become a better son for my mom so some habits I should have are good communication with my mom, visiting my mom often, expressing my love often, etc. If someone wanted to become an Olympic athlete, they probably wouldn’t try to optimize those three habits. You need to find the habits that the person you want to become would optimize and write those down on paper. Make sure these are habits that they would use in their life or else it will lead to conflict with your future self. That conflict can take the form of anxiety, depression, anger, and other negative emotions. Go ahead and cut corners so that you don’t have to experience those things!

What are the values and beliefs of that person?

This is one of the most important things you need to know when trying to become your ideal self. If you don’t have a clear understanding and act inconsistently with these values and beliefs, it will lead to conflict in your life and extreme negativity. The worst part is that it’s not your fault. If you don’t know how you should be acting, how can you expect yourself to act a certain way? You can’t. It’s unrealistic and will lead to disaster. Title a paper “Values” and write down the things that your ideal self would find important in their life. For example, as someone who wants to become a better son to my mom, I value a positive relationship with my mom no matter what. On another sheet of paper, title it “Beliefs” and write down the things that your ideal self would consider true about the world. Once you have written down all the values and beliefs of your future self, you need to cross-reference them and make sure there are ZERO inconsistent values and beliefs. Also, once you have everything written down and you’ve eliminated all inconsistencies, you’ll now know exactly what your ideal self hates. You should hate anything that will bring you further from your ideal self. This is the opposite of their values and beliefs. So if I value trust, I hate lying. If I believe that everyone should have a purpose in life, then I must hate nihilism. Just like love, hate is a powerful emotion and is often more powerful than love. Use what you now know your ideal self hates for fuel.


Congratulations! You now know who you want to become, what that person does every day, what they value in life, and what they believe is true about life. So, here’s the trick. You are that ideal self NOW. You have all those habits, you care about those values, you believe those things. . . you are who you want to become. All you need to do is believe this in your soul and take on the responsibility of who you now are. As someone who wants to become a better son to my mom, I embody the habits, values, and beliefs of a great son to my mom. I’m not perfect but every day I strive to create better habits and improve my integrity with the values and beliefs I hold. That is what gives me purpose. If you strive towards realizing your ideal self every day, you’ll start living with purpose too. This is the secret cure to useless pain and suffering in life. This is the cure to depression. This is also the elixir to a happy and fulfilled life. They are the same. You have had the cure and the elixir with you all your life. . . it’s now up to you to use it for your benefit. Will you use it or keep living a life without a clear purpose? Stop reading this article after this sentence and schedule a day in your calendar to do this writing and thinking session. If you take the time out of your day to answer these three questions, you’ll change from someone who lives an unpredictable life filled with worry, hopelessness, anxiety, and other negative feelings into someone who knows exactly what they are living for, what they are pursuing, and how they need to live to achieve that ideal self. If you are trying to inspire and facilitate change in your life, read our article Top 9 books  To Inspire and Facilitate Change In Your Life.